P.S.

the good stuff starts about 1 minute 8 seconds in to the song ... 

Beyond good

My New Rule!!!!!!

Well .... to be more truthful......
It's actually an OLD rule I am re-implementing!!!
ASAP

Seriously?!?!?!!????

Yes......
SERIOUSLY ?!??!??!?!!??!
...note to self--- 
                           Just BREATHE!!!!

i WILL figure out what all of this is supposed to be teaching me.... 

Safe passage....

Wendy, you go Gurl!!!!

We are with YOU!!!

Much love Wendy!!!!
Much love 😘

Felt the pull...

Last several nights I felt the pull from my cards and the Super Moon
So I finally gave in and did a few readings...

Gotta go now but will fill you in on the readings...

Crazy how spot on they have been - the last one I did back in Feb was spooky how right it was - I actually thought it was wrong but I was wrong and the cards were right - Crazy!!!! 

Anyway like I said (in my best Arnold voice ) I'll be back!

Remaining Moon drops...

“When love isn’t in our lives, it’s on the way; that is the nature of the universe. If you know a guest is coming at five o’clock, do you spend the day messing up the house? Of course not. You prepare. And that is what you should do for love.”

- Marianne Williamson 

What I do to keep myself sane....

"The mistake is thinking that there can be an antidote to the uncertainty."

David Levithan

“My solitude doesn’t depend on the presence or absence of people; on the contrary, I hate who steals my solitude without, in exchange, offering me true company.”

~ Friedrich Nietzsche

Thank the gods for exercise, music and my dog...
All is NOT lost

I am stronger, smarter (now) & more durable than I give myself credit for

Wishing us ALL a good weekend!!

“Sometimes skulls are thick. Sometimes hearts are vacant. Sometimes words don’t work.”

James Frey, A Million Little Pieces 

Wanted: 4am Partner in Crime

“You’re going to discover that conversations are best at 4 am. The heavier the eyelids, the sincerer the words. Those are the talks you’ll remember. It’s ok not to know the answer and silence is not awkward. It’s shared, so share it more often than not.”
                                ~ Jeff Stuckel

i think I miss -- feeling....

I was kindly reminded by a friend...

Tonight

Can't wait - front row here we come 

You once wrote...

"Birds of a feather flock together."

Do you fear the day they figure it out & cut you from the flock?

Smiling again

Just won two front row tickets to grace potter for this thurs night!!
Whoo Hoooo!

Thank you Gods!!!! I will take what happiness I can get !!!

... Also proves I CANNOT give Up!!!

confession--

I feel it is time to explain why I have been all doom & gloom lately...

On Feb 24th I got a DUI coming home from a concert...

I have been more than ashamed of myself since that morning.

No one got hurt,
no physical damage was done - except to ME

I have been paying for it since that morning...

i.e.:
I have not been able to drive my car or anyone else's since Feb 25.
I have had to go to Jail for 2 days - Tent City here in lovely AZ when it was 101: A H O R R I B L E experience that I DO NOT recommend to ANYONE!!!!
I have an alcohol monitor on my ankle until Sept. 24th that not only is it beyond mortifying to have to wear 24/7but I also have to pay $360 a month for the fuckin' thing....
I have to put a breathalyzer in my car for 12 months- that means more $$$ 
I have more than 2400 of court fees I have to pay back monthly to the Courts
I have alcohol classes and DMV classes to attend for the next 4 to 6 months  

Oh and today is my last day at my job, mainly because I have not been fully present since I fucked up in Feb. - {but actually lots of office politics came into play but my DUI made it easier for me to be the first to go} - I seriously HATE working in an office because the people that Manage such offices are beyond Petty and Control Freaks- but I digress

the LONG and the sort of it all is - DO NOT DRINK AND DRIVE
...not even a little

It is NOT worth it!

the consequences of such actions are more devastating that you can even imagine!!!!

Both mentally, physically and financially!!!

I have seriously been in a "funk" every since this happened.... I have spent waaay too much time in my head and alone lately. As with all fuck ups, in my life anyway- I am striving to find the good... the knowledge one gains from looking at the world from the bottom up -- instead of on a perch- {where I have been lucky enough to be sitting on for some time until.....}
That in times of such darkness and despair, I can see my part, I have LEARNED a lot over the last 2 years...and I will not give in {as I have in the past} - I will NOT check out {like I really want to because I'm scared}.  Being scared is okay- being helpless in NOT.  I am NOT helpless or hopeless for that matter

I have NOT lost as much as I feel I have right NOW!!

 

may I humbly ask that you send me good thoughts & vibes my way???? my soul would greatly appreciate the re-charge cause I am gonna NEED VERY once of energy I have to get my self back on that perch...but trust me when I get back up there I will be a different bird, much more humble, much more appreciative and I feel possibly happier than ever...

 

wish me Luck!!!

 

 

p.s. anyone out there with shitty life circumstances {and I KNOW there are several of you out there} I wish you strength and random kindness- what ever I have left is yours!!!!  I so feel YOU!!!  We will get through all of this MESS {Life} together - as it is all about the journey - so the wise people say....

 

and even now, with all of this chaos and uncertainty, I believe them.

 

puss puss for now y'all! 

 

and now that I "fixed" me

I really don't know/understand the "fixed" me,

 just yet...

 

"We are hard on each other"

I
We are hard on each other
and call it honesty,
choosing our jagged truths
with care and aiming them across
the neutral table.
The things we say are
true; it is our crooked
aim, our choices
turn them criminal.

ii
Of course your lies
are more amusing:
you make them new each time.
Your truths, painful and boring
repeat themselves over & over
perhaps because you own
so few of them

iii A truth should exist,
it should not be used
like this. If I love you
is that a fact or a weapon?

iv
Does the body lie
moving like this, are these
touches, hairs, wet
soft marble my tongue runs over
lies you are telling me?
Your body is not a word,
it does not lie or
speak truth either.
It is only
here or not here.
 
~  We are hard on each other by Margaret Atwood

"What on earth can you do on this earth but catch at whatever comes near you, with both your hands, until your fingers are broken?"

 

~ Tennessee Williams

 

shhhhhhhhh then, DAY....