i DO want MORE !!!!!!

                       "A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving"

~ Lao  Tzu

now why you wanna go and do that...

My Don't Give a F*ck ANd Have a GREAT Nite Moment ...

going to see & DANCE to these guys tonight ...

i guess Phx isn't ALL that bad...
i need to play a little ...

A LOt!!!!!

i Hope YOu DANCE, in some way,
tonight
as well

Cheers!!!

My Serious Moment for tonight ...

" Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem. "

 ~ Woody Allen

luv

" Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly. "

~ Aaron Outward

please let me sleep...

can't sleep...

I said to the sun, “Tell me about the Big Bang.” The sun said, “It hurts to become.”

~ Andrea Gibson

yet another note to thy self....

peace OUT!

It's my bad....

trying to shake it...

" All the things I thought I was - simple and plain and sometime funny - are very small words. They do not begin to describe me. They do not begin to express what is inside of me. I have value, and I have worth. I cannot be replaced like old shoes or taken for granted like tap water. "

~ Adriana Trigiani, Big Cherry Holler 

“We have to learn to be our own best friends because we fall too easily into the trap of being our own worst enemies.”

~ Roderick Thorp

R.I.P.

NORA!!!!

i already miss your mind!!!!

XXOOXOOXO

... Enjoy

I know I did!!!!

to my surprise I got to listen to him, see him and  meet him on Friday night...

yes i know he is Not my beautiful ocean but he was definatly a wonderful plan B

Cheers Glen!!

 i KNOW your tour will bring you much happiness!!!!

something i have been running from all my life ...

“Perhaps the unattached, the unwanted, the unloved, could grow to give love as lushly as anyone else.”
                         ~ Vanessa Diffenbaugh, The Language of Flowers

... make that Girl, Boys ...

word

...or as the O.G. Mr. Brown would have said,

 "Good Grief"

i WILL figure this shit out.

i swear the minute i give myself some down time, my mind starts messing with me...

"breathe and let go M"

breathe

and

let it GO!

seriously....?!??!??!??!?!

... how do the French say, "Ugh?!?!"

Patience

.... Still LEARNING how to do it.
                                                     .... gracefully.

GOING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Micki YOU are the BEST - This will MAKE the summer!!!!

Soooooo Much LOVE & Good VIBES your way!!!!

we are gonna have so much FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Change in Plans...

Not going to Cali this weekend but WILL go in 2 weeks

 as my friend did not get back to me in time with where we could stay...

but NOW that I have it figured out & i KNOW its a done deal I can enjoy the rest of the weekend

I may not be totally thrilled that I am not feeling waves crashing around my feet but a few people here in AZ are happy my plans changed...

kinda of nice to be wanted by people I want too!

Here's to making the BEST of things

So that EVEN better ones are RIGHT around the corner

{oh and I got my Grimes & Mynabirds tickets today and REALLY hoping that my wonderful friend Micki got our FYF Fest Tix!!!}

 Cheers !!!

last summer in Cardiff, my home SWEET Home!!!

see you, SOON!!!

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

                                                                           — Marianne Williamson

Ahhh F. you always get me... to the bone

"At any rate, let us love for a while, for a year or so, you and me. That’s a form of divine drunkenness that we can all try. There are only diamonds in the whole world, diamonds and perhaps the shabby gift of disillusion."
                                                                          ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald

and I m not gonna either..

not yet anyway

going to Cali tomorrow for the weekend to raise some cain

See ya when I am: tan, have sand in everything & i'm crying because I am back in AZ...

“I saw that my life was a vast glowing empty page and I could do anything I wanted.”

~ Jack Kerouac

XOOXOX

still smiling...

“I would like to be the air that inhabits you for a moment only. I would like to be that unnoticed and that necessary.”                              
                                                                   ~ Margaret Atwood

Finally,...

I know it is so cliche
but it is TRUE
when you open your heart to life ...
it opens your eyes to life.

too much to type about but lets just say I am smiling from ear to ear
 i still have to finish my workout before my visitor arrives...
life is crazy
 and can be a pretty fun ride if you let it
I am remembering... or at least for the last 5 days it has been...about to be 6th...

oh and a couple of girlfriends and I are going to San Diego to cheer on a few DJ friends...gives me a chance to go home & get out of the heat as it has been 113 PLUS all week
but even better a wonderful girlfriend of mine is getting us tickets to the FYF Fest and the line up is insane!!! It is Sept 1st & 2nd in La La land! The Sleigh Bells, Chromatics, Little Dragon, Breakign Horses etc etc etc...
it is ear~gasmic and I KNOW i will have a blast w/ Micki...some people are just good mellons & she IS one of them!
anyhoo

i feel as if...

"We seem to be going through a period of nostalgia, and everyone seems to think yesterday was better than today. I don’t think it was, and I would advise you not to wait ten years before admitting today was great. If you’re hung up on nostalgia, pretend today is yesterday and just go out and have one hell of a time."
                                                                                                      ~ Art Buchwald

"Follow your inner moonlight; don’t hide the madness."

~ Allen Ginsberg

it was an interesting evening to say the least ...

"There is neither happiness nor unhappiness in this world; there is only the comparison of one state with another. Only a man who has felt ultimate despair is capable of feeling ultimate bliss. It is necessary to have wished for death in order to know how good it is to live."
                                    ~ Alexandre Dumas

Yikes...

umm yeah, so I'm a little - No actually A LOT nervous because I have a Date tonight with someone I think I really like..

UGGGGH!

 

it has been more than a while since I went out to dinner with someone I REALLY like..{brains & ALL}

please, PLEASE me .... Let's not Fuck this up...

Must remember to:

1.  smile

2. answer all questions simply & succinctly,

3. SMILE

4. DO NOT say SORRY {i tend to apologize for EVERYTHING as I feel as if I am just taking up space...}WORKING ON THAT!!!!

5. Not to talk too much... {I ramble when I get nervous}

6. Laugh {which forces me to smile}

7. Enjoy Myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

p.s. YACHT was FUCKING AMAZING last night ~ BEYOND FUN!

ohhh and I think I am going to SD next weekend to go on a booze cruise with some DJ friends, I have not done this in more years than I would like to admit, thank the GODS i have been so poor and have been working out because this bitch is about to party in a bikini and have some Cali FUN & SUN!

Looks Like it is gonna be a pretty GREAT summer after all

MANY Smiles!

and wish me LUCK for tonight!!!

Good night...

TONIGHT...

FUN with fellow Sweds

Good Music,

 good times.

what is swimming around in my head...

"For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again."
                                   - F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

"I no longer believe that we can keep silent. We never really do, mind you. In one way or another we articulate what has happened to us through the kind of people we become."

~ Azar Nafisi, Things I’ve Been Silent About

still can't sleep...

"Is ignorance bliss, I don’t know, but it’s so painful to think, and tell me, what did thinking ever do for me, to what great place did thinking ever bring me? I think and think and think, I’ve thought myself out of happiness one million times, but never once into it."

~ Jonathan Safran Foer, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

....
i will try this sleep & NO thinking thing ..yet again

wish me luck

Ahh...

"Why are we so full of restraint? Why do we not give in all directions? Is it fear of losing ourselves? Until we do lose ourselves there is no hope of finding ourselves."
                                                                      - Henry Miller


... So That is what these last 2 years have been about.
NOTE to my Life: I think I finally  Got It! 

working on it

morning wood

Hey Bad Attitude of mine....

I will leave this life with a GOOD heart NOT a bitter one ...

....Number 6, ,12, 16, 24, 25 & 32....

...oooohhhh

and did I mention #6 ?!?!??

cheers

thinking....

"Everyone must leave something behind when he/{she} dies, my grandfather said. A child or a book or a painting or a house or a wall built or a pair of shoes made. Or a garden planted. Something your hand touched some way so your soul has somewhere to go when you die, and when people look at that tree or that flower you planted, you’re there."

                                       ~ Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451 & {me}

Shhhhhhhh

I will let you in on a little {BIG} secret of mine ... even though my NEW goal is to be POSITIVE & Happy deep down inside this is the Monster I have been fighting all my life:

ya see now what I am up against...what runs in my brain on a constant loop...

I cannot tell you how many times I have apologized for just existing/breathing...to myself ... to others.

I felt unworthy of unconditional love/Kindness/connection/REAL Happiness WITH another human.

But

i have FINALLY come to the conclusion that

this must be conquered

not just neatly folded & tucked away...

NOW!!!

by ME

life is too short for MY Bullshit to hold ME back from TRUE Happiness Anymore!!!!!

PHEW! .... confession OVER!

 



note to soul:

i think i can...

one more thing....

good night

its that time again...

 

Out into the World I go, again...




Awareness...

" To be alive at all is to have scars. "

   John Steinbeck, The Winter of Our Discontent

"It’s so hard to forget pain, but it’s even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace."              
                                         ~ Chuck Palahniuk

                                               I suffered,                     I learned,               I Changed.

With Open Arms, Mind & Heart; I Welcome life back in

p.s. I think the Sanskrit will be my FINAL tattoo



What I will be dreaming about when I put my head to pillow tonite...

good night.