“It’s dark because you are trying too hard. Learn to do everything lightly. Yes, feel lightly even though you’re feeling deeply. Just lightly let things happen and lightly cope with them. I was so preposterously serious in those days… Lightly, lightly – it’s the best advice ever given me…
So throw away your baggage and go forward. There are quicksands all about you, sucking at your feet, trying to suck you down into fear and self-pity and despair.
It’s much easier to not know things sometimes. Things change and friends leave. And life doesn’t stop for anybody. I wanted to laugh. Or maybe get mad. Or maybe shrug at how strange everybody was, especially me. I think the idea is that every person has to live for his or her own life and than make the choice to share it with other people. You can’t just sit their and put everybody’s lives ahead of yours and think that counts as love. You just can’t. You have to do things. I’m going to do what I want to do. I’m going to be who I really am. And I’m going to figure out what that is. And we could all sit around and wonder and feel bad about each other and blame a lot of people for what they did or didn’t do or what they didn’t know. I don’t know. I guess there could always be someone to blame. It’s just different. Maybe it’s good to put things in perspective, but sometimes, I think that the only perspective is to really be there. Because it’s okay to feel things. I was really there. And that was enough to make me feel infinite. I feel infinite. ~ Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower
....This is what I have been doing for the last year....
feeling again....
Doing things again.
I'm not gonna lie - at times it's been more than hard, in fact its been some of the scariest shit I've dealt with
but I also get it...
i am feeling my pulse again...in a good way.
I certainly have not obtained ~ much less acquired all that i am in pursuit of
but i get it.
I get that I have to hang tuff during the Holidays,
the "lulls" in life ...
the lack of drama in what has been a VERY crazy life is "Okay!"
that the not so huge moments in life but ~Happy
just simply happy moments in life
add up to a bigger Mosaic of a contentment & understanding that i long for ....
thought I had been denied
and now KNOW is STILL possible!!!
Am I mouse or woman!?!?!?
I declare Woman...who is accepting of mice 😉
And now I'll share a little diddy from my youth, a song I used to sing in the shower like a rockstar!!! after a run or a good work out & STILL do ...
“I am a series of small victories and large defeats and I am as amazed as any other that I have gotten from there to here.”
—
Charles Bukowski, “The People Look Like Flowers At Last”
i was reminded yet AGAIN today that I have earned some very RARE and AMAZING friends over the years and I am VERY Blessed to have them in my life, memory and heart ~ Forever!
Adam,
youareMissed & LOVED, beyond what my clumsy words can muster...
“You are not responsible for the programming you picked up in childhood. However, as an adult, you are one hundred percent responsible forfixing it.”
~ Ken Keyes Jr.
many smiles Oz,
i will get through this day with moments of grace, too
“I do not remember very many things from the inside out. I do not remember what it felt like to touch things, or how bathwater traveled over my skin. I did not like to be touched, but it was a strange dislike. I did not like to be touched because I craved it too much. I wanted to be held very tight so I would not break. Even now, when people lean down to touch me, or hug me, or put a hand on my shoulder, I hold my breath. I turn my face. I want to cry.”
~ Marya Hornbacher
“When we think of the past it’s the beautiful things we pick out. We want to believe it was all like that"
“You get a strange feeling when you’re about to leave a place, I told him, like you’ll not only miss the people you love but you’ll miss the person you are now at this time and this place, because you’ll never be this way ever again.”
~ Azar Nafisi, Reading Lolita in Tehran
Many Smiles and Good Vibes your way.
Stay WARM and Please, take care of you.
In my heart, I know we will see each other again...
next time with real eyes, wiser brains & unwounded hearts
“It’s the tragedy of loving, you can’t love anything more than something you miss.”
We are very cruelly trapped between what we would like to be and what we actually are. And we cannot possibly become what we would like to be until we are willing to ask ourselves just why the lives we lead on this continent are mainly so empty, so tame, and so ugly.
~ James Baldwin
Ps: I highly recommend his Odyssey The Invisible Man... It is a master piece that sticks with me to this day. Truly a work of art!
I hate getting a cold...it always happens when the weather changes and it has officially changed... I must say I cannot complain as this is the time of year it is worth living in god for saken AZ. It is like spring, the days are amazing and the nights are even better...
I have been so lucky to get to see so many AMAZING bands:
Calexico
Poolside
DJ's:
Com Truise
Com Truise
The Twelves!!!!
The Twelves: the Fabulous boys from Brazil!!!! and
GREAT Friends:
Crystal
The Cool Kids
The Love Birds
butALL this Play has meant a lack of sleep & the cleaning of my house = I have a cold
UGH again....
I went to change my clock back last night all excited that I would get an extra Hour of sleep but then remembered THEY don't play that way here... This is only my 2nd Fall back in AZ {Ohhhhh Cardiff by the Sea ~ HOW much I miss thee}
BIGSIGH.... I still feel the need to go to day light savings time but alas they do not CHANGE time here in AZ ~ in more ways than ONE, LOL
Filled out my Ballot for the Big O but this is truly the 1st time I worry if my vote WILL actually be counted...SAD really, but I will not let my fears stop me from Voting 1st thing tomorrow morning {Nov. 6th}
WORK cannot get over soon enough so that I can go home; take a nice long hot shower...
snuggle my dog :
{'cause Chocolate, HATES to be snuggled and or put on Fairy Wings LOL!!!}
have a glass of wine & hope to see "O" tonight as he has kept a smile in my tiny little heart for days now....
i could get used to this feeling
{I think...}
all I KNOW is,i am in NEED of his healing hands...touch
andkisses.
Yep this REALLY isme, just a BIG 'ol squishy ball of LOVE!
LOL
well anything is possible these days
exhibit A:
...now,
back to work...
UGH!!!
puss puss y'all!
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Why should I be bothering myself with questions which shall eternally remain unanswered? How queer that wave of agony; melancholy paralyzing my senses, beautifully, yet for nothing.
~ Virginia Wolf Yes this is me asking to feel or not to feel; this is my question??? I say feel. No matter if I am "right" or "wrong" at least I did not puss out!?!??!? Right?!??!?!?!?????
see YOU tonight!
The Love Birds
BIG SIGH.... I still feel the need to go to day light savings time but alas they do not CHANGE time here in AZ ~ in more ways than ONE, LOL
