Cheers Y'ALL

 

 

morning....

tomorrow nite will be Brilliant!!!

 

“I’m not going to change the way I look or the way I feel to conform to anything. I’ve always been a freak.

So I’ve been a freak all my life and I have to live with that, you know. I’m one of those people.”

 

~  John Lennon

 

 

The advice I was given for my New Year....

"You're only in danger should you second-guess yourself. Know your power.

Trust it, use it and live it."

 

WORD!
 

with OUT light.... with out YOU

Night NIGHT for REAL........................................

I can steal back mine.....................

Right?!??!??!?

MANY smiles...

I miss home no matter HOW Good life is....

did I say I'm just a girl.....?????

nighty night...

Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.......

XOOXOOX



seriously....

 

“I have wanted to kill myself a hundred times, but somehow I am still in love with life.”

~ Voltaire

 

 

Time to leave now, get out of this room, go somewhere, anywhere; sharpen this feeling of happiness and freedom, stretch your limbs, fill your eyes, be awake, wider awake, vividly awake in every sense and every pore.

~ Stefan Zweig, The Post-Office Girl

 

“It’s so much darker when a light goes out than it would have been if it had never shone.”
~ John Steinbeck, The Winter of Our Discontent


Words, {S}he decided, were inadequate at best, impossible at worst. They meant too many things. Or they meant nothing at all.

~ Patricia A. McKillip

 

....

Update...

I have a few minutes left at work so I will update y'all in a less cryptic manner than usual.

These last 2 weeks have been WEIRD to say the least...
BOTH GOOD & semi Bad but weird none the less.

I am about to get a whole week (10days) off ~ PAID!!!!! can I say that again PAID! just like the good ol days when I had a good job years ago... ahhh somethings - no matter how long its been - STILL feel good.. RIGHT; let's just say getting "PAID" days off from work is one of them!

I have been able to keep most of my shit contained - for me - for it being the Holidays! as I am NOT a big FAN ... and next month are Birthdays....birthdays I would rather forget etc etc... nope I won't dewll there NO SIR!

I bought my Beach House, The Xx & Louis C.K. tickets which makes me EVEN more excited about the NEW YEAR!!!  this has been a dozy but in MANY MANY Good ways... I bellied up to many a bar (both literally & figuratively) and I think I made a lot of progress on ME- my thoughts, feelings - the WHOLE fucking 9 yards Man!!!! I Wasn't pleased with everything I learned about me & "LIFE" but ALL lessons well learned & necessary to go to the next plane..
 I see that NOW.

fuck to be honest I can tell now "i" was holding myself back because I was scared!... Scared to be a better person - scared to learn/fix/accept many parts of me.. instead of others;
 I lived LIFE.

I am sooo much more appreciative of my days and nights,
the people that make me happy
and
that I make happy as well...
cause I CAN do that,
 i have found...
and I can do it without giving away too much of me (like in the past)

So tonight
I go dance
 with friends
to ring in the Mayan New Year!!

Tomorrow
I go See my Tattoo Artist to plan out my last ink...
finishing an old piece, adding the next stage to another & last but NOT Least adding a NEW one for "ME"

YES, just for ME

 i really cannot wait I will have work done next week when I am off!!! Whoo Hooooo!
 I have not had this kind of need to get inked since I was "knee high to a grass hopper" (actually more like 9yrs) but as i have always said if you do not long for a tatt for at least a year than you probably should not get it!!!!

Then Sat night out with the girls to dance & drink our asses off!
Life is Good in the Hood at the moment - actually has been for a while

 I am VERY happy
I can See,
Feel 
&
 ENJOY it !!!!!

OHHHHH
 and tonight,
 hopfully I get to See/Feel/Play with my "Oz" ...
ahhh YES,

 the REALLY good stuff!







“There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.”

~ Ernest Hemingway

“Often when you think you’re at the end of something, you’re at the beginning of something else.”

~ Fred Rogers
 

SUCCESS on the "getting a BREAK" from myself this past weekend...

I’m restless. Things are calling me away. My hair is being pulled by the stars again.

~ Anaïs Nin, Fire

I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow; but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing.

~ Agatha Christie

My heart Bleeds for those in CT @ Sandy Elementry School...

The weekend is coming....

Thank goodness

cause i NEED to 

LAUGH & have some FUN

it's been a "strange" week {& last weekend} to say the least

i need a BREAK from ME...

with that, Let's Call it a Day....

 

tomorrow is 12/12/12

it's gotta bring with it something to break up this monotony that is my life at the moment....

 



YEP, That about sums it ALL up.....

“You’ll find as you go through life that great depth and smoldering sensuality don’t always win.”
~ Woody Allen

Weird Weekend...

stayed INSIDE {my head} waaaaaaay too much

note to self -

DO NOT do THAT again, 

THIS weekend!!!

Wine in hand & bathtub bound.....

Thinking of you ...

                                                                         Waiting on you...
                                                                                    C u soon
                                  

The last post was my HEART talking ...

 THIS one is my head talking ...





I thought it would NEVER happen again ...

BUT

Pigs CAN Fly!!?!!?!?!!!?!

Who NEEDS wings....Right?!?!?!?

Lesson LEARNED

... at least I think

“When you’re accustomed to loneliness, you become in tune with the rhythms of yourself and your own mind — because you always have to answer yourself at the end of the day, to be alone with your thoughts. You’ll also know how important self-love and reliance is, to love yourself before you love someone else, but I think the universality of loneliness teaches us what that love is. To be lonely is to be human, to feel pain, to be forced to know yourself — and the universality of it binds us.

 Love is embracing that universality and surrendering to it.”

~ Nico Lang, When You’re Lonely, You’re Not Alone

Sincerely, Mushy Me...

 a smile washes over ALL of me

when i think about you...

MANY thanks

for simply that.

XOXOXO,

Sincerely,

mushy me

“You are the music while the music lasts.”

~ T.S. Elliot

“There is nothing more truly artistic than to love people.”

~ Vincent van Gogh

U KILLED IT last night/this morning

THAT was JUST what I NEEDED!!!!

MANY kisses & hugs your way

I’m an acquired taste…

not for everybody, but for the ones that get me…

I will give you all of me, all the time.

~ Jhene Aiko

~ Jim Morrison

2 Thoughts for this morning after a CRAZY but FUN Weekend...

 

“Many people lose the small joys in the hope for the big happiness.”
~ Pearl S. Buck

“I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete.

It’s so fuckin’ heroic.” 

~ George Carlin

It's all I got tonight....

...at least today is My Friday.

I've been hibernating these last few weekends....BUT this weekend I will:

Dance, Listen to some GOOD Music, Laugh with Friends & have a few libations. 

Maybe I can shake these Holidays blues...

Wish me luck!?!??!?

Here's to walking more lightly....

“It’s dark because you are trying too hard. Learn to do everything lightly. 
Yes, feel lightly even though you’re feeling deeply. 
Just lightly let things happen and lightly cope with them. 
I was so preposterously serious in those days…
Lightly, lightly – 
it’s the best advice ever given me… 

So throw away your baggage and go forward. 

There are quicksands all about you, sucking at your feet, trying to suck you down into fear and self-pity and despair. 

That’s why you must walk so lightly. 

Lightly my darling."

~ Aldous Huxley,  Island

I'm off in 6 minutes...

And this day has Largely SUCKED....

tomorrow I KNOW you will be BETTER because it's my FRIDAY!!!

where MY mind has been at all day...

truely hope YOUR day was better than MINE...

Puss PUSS y'ALL!!!

Looking forward to seeing YOU tonight...

I seriously NEED to feel your hands on me...



It’s much easier to not know things sometimes. Things change and friends leave. And life doesn’t stop for anybody. I wanted to laugh. Or maybe get mad. Or maybe shrug at how strange everybody was, especially me. I think the idea is that every person has to live for his or her own life and than make the choice to share it with other people. You can’t just sit their and put everybody’s lives ahead of yours and think that counts as love. You just can’t. You have to do things. I’m going to do what I want to do. I’m going to be who I really am. And I’m going to figure out what that is. And we could all sit around and wonder and feel bad about each other and blame a lot of people for what they did or didn’t do or what they didn’t know. I don’t know. I guess there could always be someone to blame. It’s just different. Maybe it’s good to put things in perspective, but sometimes, I think that the only perspective is to really be there. Because it’s okay to feel things. I was really there. And that was enough to make me feel infinite. I feel infinite.

~ Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

....This is what I have been doing for the last year....
feeling again....
Doing things again.

I'm not gonna lie - at times it's been more than hard, in fact its been some of the scariest shit I've dealt with
 but I also get it...
i am feeling my pulse again...in a good way.

I certainly have not obtained ~ much less acquired all that i am in pursuit of
but i get it.

I get that I have to hang tuff during the Holidays,
the "lulls" in life ...
the lack of drama in what has been a VERY crazy life is "Okay!"
that the not so huge moments in life but ~Happy
just simply happy moments in life
add up to a bigger Mosaic of a contentment & understanding that i long for ....
thought I had been denied
and now KNOW
is STILL possible!!!


Am I mouse or woman!?!?!?

I declare Woman ...who is accepting of mice 😉

And now I'll share a little diddy from my youth, a song I used to sing in the shower like a rockstar!!! after a run or a good work out & STILL do ...

HER stubborn wish...

Aarrggghh.................

 I am hoping this feeling inside of me is just Sunday/Monday BLUES...

I KNOW i have much to be thankful for- especially after the last few years but GODS do I start to unravel during the Holday Season...

Soo many memories, confusion, much loss ~ BOTH friends, family, lovers....

BUT I KNOW I must stay fixated ~ keep my eyes on the PRIZE:

 MUCH has been GAINED

nothing has been a TOTAL loss

just a whole LOT of Change...

and THAT is what life is all about

remember???

 ~ love, 

me.

WORD!

“I am
a series of
small victories
and large defeats
and I am as
amazed
as any other
that
I have gotten
from there to
here.”

—	Charles Bukowski, “The People Look Like Flowers At Last”

i was reminded yet AGAIN today that I have earned some very RARE and AMAZING friends over the years and I am VERY Blessed to have them in my life, memory and heart ~ Forever!

Adam,

you are Missed & LOVED, beyond what my clumsy words can muster...

MUCH LOVE MY FRIEND,
then, Now & ALWAYS



The sound track in my mind this morning as I was driving to work...

and then

“You are not responsible for the programming you picked up in childhood. However, as an adult, you are one hundred percent responsible for fixing it.”
~ Ken Keyes Jr.

many smiles Oz,

i will get through this day with moments of grace, too

XOXOXO

my CHOICE for my Final thought for TODAY...

Good NIGHT!!!

Note to Self as I drink my wine & cuddle my dog...

I think I can, I think I CAN!!!!

have a GLASS of wine {or TWO} when I get home from work cause this day:

SUCKS!!!

YES! the day could have been worse but let's NOT tempt fate shall WE?!?!??!??

now back to day dreaming...

Today I have NOT been able to LEAVE my MIND...

“My heart wants roots
My mind wants wings.
I cannot bear
Their bickerings.”

~ E.Y. Harburg

Cause Monday's SUCK and

so does waging WAR!!!!!!!!!!

"knock it OFF" the BOTH of YA!

p.s. I'm not just grumpy about WAR; I also FEEL FAT Today, ON TOP of NOT being HAPPY about the Israeli/Palestinian conflict/bloodshed/craziness!!!!

HMmmmmmmm!!!
{insert crossed arms, grumpy face & Stomping of foot HERE!!!}

i miss your hands...

and...

Today is my FRIDAY!!!!

I have much to look forward to...

I hope ALL of us have GREAT Weekend!

CHEERS Y'ALL!!!!

Reminded AGAIN that I am a VERY lucky girl...

Many, MANY Thanks to you OZ,

I am not sure you realize how special you are becoming to little 'ol me...

likewise

 I did not realize until last night...how much i am beginning to like that.

see YOU tonight!

XOOXOOX

Good NIGHT!!!!

“I do not remember very many things from the inside out. I do not remember what it felt like to touch things, or how bathwater traveled over my skin. I did not like to be touched, but it was a strange dislike. I did not like to be touched because I craved it too much. I wanted to be held very tight so I would not break. Even now, when people lean down to touch me, or hug me, or put a hand on my shoulder, I hold my breath. I turn my face. I want to cry.”

      ~ Marya Hornbacher

“When we think of the past it’s the beautiful things we pick out. We want to believe it was all like that" 

                                                  — Margaret Atwood, The Handmaid’s Tale 

I guess I'm a petal today...

final thought {that I will share} on THAT...

MAIN thought for today...

Good Night...

“Where does one go from a world of insanity? Somewhere on the other side of despair.”

~ T.S. Eliot

Safe Travels tomorrow, Hosani

“You get a strange feeling when you’re about to leave a place, I told him, like you’ll not only miss the people you love but you’ll miss the person you are now at this time and this place, because you’ll never be this way ever again.”

~ Azar Nafisi, Reading Lolita in Tehran

Many Smiles and Good Vibes your way.

Stay WARM and Please, take care of you.

In my heart, I know we will see each other again...

next time with real eyes, wiser brains & unwounded hearts

 

 “It’s the tragedy of loving, you can’t love anything more than something you miss.”

 — Jonathan Safran Foer 

It is what it is.....

Brilliant!!!!!!!

Enjoying the rain, Tacos, wine, my sidekick CeCe, the couch, a bit of the ire = Staying in tonight ..

Ohh great music, some beading & chocolate too!

Xoxoxo

What I think about as I do my crunches....

We are very cruelly trapped between what we would like to be and what we actually are. And we cannot possibly become what we would like to be until we are willing to ask ourselves just why the lives we lead on this continent are mainly so empty, so tame, and so ugly.

                          ~ James Baldwin

Ps: I highly recommend his  Odyssey The Invisible  Man... It is a master piece that sticks with me to this day.  Truly a work of art! 

Starf*cker

 just an average Wed night ....

NOT!!!!!!!

Another GREAT show with GREAT Friends I am one lucky little duck!!!

and the BEST part is:

I am t-minus 47mins & counting before I get to BEGIN my 4 DAY Weekend 

CHEERS!!!!!!!

AHHHHHH YES!

Desert Rain!!!!

gotta LOVE it!

6 November 2012