words do hurt...but things unsaid can fester...
getting mad and then refusing to listen makes for arguments...
YOU not being as empathetic or understanding as those have been to you
sucks/hurts even more...
but what you really heard in my voice, as it got louder...
was disappointment...
I thought WE had done more "work"... gotten farther....
I thought we moved from one place to another...
I thought you were no longer hyper sensitive ... much less hyper sensitive to OUR past mistakes...
I know I am -- clearly by the many & varied conversations we have had over the last several months...
you are certainly okay with others' failure {and revel in their admission of it} but rarely can you speak of your own in realistic terms...
part of being truly sorry for something is understanding how it hurt the other person whether you meant to or not-- whether you felt justified in hurting them or not..,
Not sure How you can be so comfortable with all of the flaws and folly that I have copped to.... ultimately "comprehending" why it was hard on you...
... but some how YOU never did anything wrong...??????
really ???
You really want to stand by every lame thing you did while we were together and say it was ALL completely justifiable and ABSOLVE ABLE because you are "YOU."
and
since YOU FEEL you were justified at "that moment" that 8 years later it is apparently STILL Justifiable to THIS DAY??!?!?!?....
i get the ~that "moment" part BUT the "to this day.".. part...?
Wow, .... really...?!?!?
... I mean you are almost doubling down - like if you had it to do over again you would do it exactly that way all over again...???
wtf?
THAT is the part that rubbed me wrong ...to an elevated voice...
I look back at some of the stupid shit I did and say, "Hey not Cool Melissa..."and have even humbly shared such Epiphanies with YOU...
but
you,
tonight...
so YOU are really trying to tell me you are still completely cool with ALL of the shit you dished out- NOT all justifiable by the way- even BEFORE "G" ~ {really it all started with Jenn } but of course since you do not see it that way -- i am not allowed to see it that way either....
Right?!?!?!?
Well I will give you this, You have lost NONE of your HUBRIS, that is for sure!
I have been so true & real with you this last year... { which has not always been easy for me or my ego...} i feel my actions have supported these words & that I have been there for you......
how quickly the worm turned...
You hear one thing that you do not like/agree with and it is like old times...
I can say nothing right...
you don't listen in order to change your mind or gain knowledge, you listen with the main intent to fashion a rope in which to either trip up or preferably hang your adversary with....
II hate being your adversary.
You are BEYOND sensitive about your past choices,
you may communicate now but you did NOT back then...
You act as if, were You to actually admit today to being an Ass in the PAST-- that the sky would fall TODAY !!!!
When you DO...sort of, finally admit to being an "Ass".... in the Past, of course...it is only because there is a VERY specific reason why someone or something made you be an Ass...
not "oh yeah, I fucked up that time I..." or
"I was still learning about myself when I ..." or
"chalk that up to a rough time in my life when I..." etc., etc. ...
I will NEVER understand Nor will I ever be comfortable with a person who feels that every shitty thing they ever did was a" "karmic wash" or justified because of the actions or perceived actions {in some cases} of someone or something and not of their own choice ...
sometimes WE ALL do stupid shit ...some times we make bad choices and it sucks...
and we hopefully LEARN from it... but whether we mean to or not damage was done...
sometimes the lame shit we did, which was intended to Mame at the time -- can be forgiven, heck even understood on some levels, if when hypothetically given the chance YOU would not want to these things over again...not exactly any way...
to be purposefully HURTFUL that is ...
I think when this is realized, then ... one is truly sorry.
Period.
that is what i call a Good Human Being {and when we learn from our mistakes we sculpt better souls...}
Now that I got that out
I'm going to go dance this shit out ...
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