golf clap

for me...


this is SOOOOO true...

last night/this morning was amazing...
and well worth the wait ....


many , MANY smiles to fill my day and YOURS!!!!!

XXOOXOOXO

smiles and hope for us ALL

My flag counter is not working very well but a Shout Out to everyone in Russia, India, Germany, Brazil, Columbia, Bulgaria, Thiland, Chile and the Netherlands!!!! Oh and of course you crazy cats here in the States!!!

Many Smiles and good vibes your way!!!!

Cheers!!!!

final thought for tonight...

until tomorrow...

exercise does a brain, body & soul a lot of good

especially to good music...

this song STILL speaks to me...

their music has seen me through many things...

consider me schooled....

i was a good human this weekend

I did what was right

and I was rewarded for it.

feels good to learn new "tricks" and know I really have learned certain lessons!!!

things STILL may be hard ...
they may not be perfect, in MY eyes..
 but I know
it's better than my fears can make it seem or what reality ... actually "IS."

ciao for NOW

Thank YOU!!!

period...


Explaination:
i  have the burning need to say
 thank you to the "Gods" {him/her/it/them} ...

i have have been shown much kindness and much generosity lately...
 even though i STILL feel as if I am free falling ....
at times it seems I have nothing ~ literally: no food, no money, no gas....etc. etc. etc. blah blah

and then...

I am showered with ohh so much ...
in front of me, around me, for me
and inside of me...

its sorta funny...and as I think on it...or over analyze it, as I always do...
the irony of it is... I did not give up
 I gave in...

I stopped panicking and stressing out like I was...focusing on only the bad...ALL the things I was out of, about to run out of ...but instead of staying in THAT place... 
 I put my faith in the thoughts that I will obtain the things I NEED not necessarily what I WANT...
and
 that happened...over and Over and OVER again!!!
CRAZY
and lastly but certainly not least

the patience factor to0...
which IS a biggie for me...as I have always struggled with timing of things...
meaning: what I think I NEED does not always come when "I" think i NEED it...
BUT rather,
 when I really do NEED it ... and not a second sooner...

i am realizing and proving to myself that...I am becoming more accepting of it....
don't get it twisted
 I am still scared sometimes... a lot of times...
 but
I can see the value in this Giving In instead of Giving up thing


full circle ~

THANK YOU for all of the Kindness, generosity and  knowledge  as of late

it is waaaaaay appreciated
and
{as you know} ironically enough ...NEEDED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and it will continue to be followed...
{no matter how hard or foreign it feels... most of the time}

It's been 48hrs of Ying and Yang....

“I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion” - Jack Kerouac

I'll explain later I suppose...

tonight will be...

ear-gasmic!!!

                                

Talk to Y'all tomorrow!!!

can't sleep...

i'll try this sleep thing again

as I listen to some Bill Withers, and hope he is right, that tomorrow is a lovely day ...

good night...again
 {smiles}

that NEED word again ...

off to finish my nails,
                       exercises and wine

we shall see what tomorrow brings...

Ciao!!

Sing it Tom...

here's to tomorrow nite...

for now, This is all I got...

blog at ya a little later...

puss puss

spoke to the gods today...

Had such a GREAT day after Valentine's day
and then ...
330am happens... and I am sicker than a dog .....
 Allllllll day today!!!!! UGGGGGGHHHHHHH
woke up running to the bathroom to empty the contents of my stomach in an almost exorcist like fashion...hence the multiple conversations with the gods!!!!  as I find most call out to them in such moments...when you are on your knees in the Lou hovering over the pot!
besides making many said visits to the bathroom
& walking the dog 2 times ~One of those times "losing my cookies" ...
yes did I say i was DEATHLY iLL.....????!??!??!??!??!!!!
thank the Gods that I did not have work today~ though there is NO way in HELL I could have mustered up the strength to .... I did not really get out of bed really until 16:00 hours and did not become human until about 18:30 or so when I was able to keep down some chicken noodle soup & bread..beyond heavenly i tell you and really just what my body needed

I had plans with a new friend of mine to go out & dance but there was no way that was gonna be happening in any way this evening, maybe tomorrow or Sat ...we shall see.  As i am supposed to go to some crazy after party at a hotel tomorrow night but I am not sure I'm gonna be fellin' it ...
but, I have learned, never to say never...
...i guess i will try and get some sleep as I have made it through the bewitching hour of last nights craziness...

nighty night!!!

  

For Real

Happy Valentines Day World...

Last year I had one...
 then did not
 but  I learned a lot...from it.

This year I do not have one,
 but
 I have a BETTER ME ...
so
 NEXT year...
                    Who Knows
what is in store
                     for little ol' me !!?!?!

so this is Year,
               my Valentine's goes to me and I'm sharing ....

if you know ME, its gonna be a quite year a head if I follow these rules..!!!

off to work out so that when I drink my Wine & eat my pizza tonight i can hold my HEAD & ass  HIGH after wards!!!

CHEERS!!!!!!!!!!!

awkward...

it is beyond fitting that it is valentine's day of all days due to what I am about to blog...

neighborhood crush update: okay first bit of info I had been running into him almost everyday there for a while...both of us enjoying our encounters & me never seeing a female friend{s} but this weekend it was clear he was out of town so I was pretty sure my handsome neighborhood crush had a girl friend then but ....tonight while walking the dog I got to see her and see the relief on his handsome face that he appreciated me .... just walking my dog...Boys.
too funny...
he is lucky I could read that she was not the sharing type...
our next encounter sans girlfriend should be interesting...I'll keep you posted {hence the title of tonight's Blog...}

prepare yourself for a not so smooth transition...nor is it very Valentinesy~ and yes I KNOW that is not a word..

But the other thing that is fu*king with my head this evening{s}...

I Need to find New Job~ ARghhgghhggggghhhhh...
I hate looking for a  job but now that I have moved & gotten settled in...I need to find another partime job or a Good full time job...my present job, until summer {May} is more than partime these days...so much so, after I pay my Bill ~bills... I literally run out of food at times and or have to ration the cheese and bread so that I have enough to get me to the next paycheck or check from my jewelry but it makes buying new material to make things for the boutique but sometimes she pays me forward which is super cool of her ...I am lucky like that ~ i seem to have some really good friends...now THAT makes me smile.
anyway
 before I drone on & on... the long and the short of it IS: I NEED to find another Job!
and the sooner the BETTER

and to leave tonight on a good note for me...I am on target to be bikini ready ....my favorite bikini ready {you know what I'm talking about ladies...}by the 1st of March ~ which makes neighborhood crush easier to swallow... and makes it easier to fit into my interview clothes...now mind you the rationing of food is ironically "helping" to get me favorite bikini ready but it is ALSO due to the fact that I am keeping up with my exercises {and also cannot afford as much booze & other goodies I would normally par take in...}
But this much I do know ~ when I do get to go out with my friends & enjoy myself, I DO find myself appreciating it more these days...{not to mention I'm a cheap date* let me be specific... for instance, I get drunk faster & can't each much at one sitting!! } guess it is a win / win for everyone!!
the circle of single dating life...
c'est la vie

oh and ...

HAPPY Valentine's DAY y'all

SMILES!!!!!

my work here is done...

that camp fire scene gets me everytime...

and the movie {and soundtrack} STILL speaks to me to this day

happy SUNday

just sayin'

puss, puss!!

doe eyes...

smiles...

to be continued...

Possibly ????

I forgot...

how much I miss feeling this way about someone ...

So, Until then...

I will enjoy "US" in my dreams.

{and will also do A LOT of EXTRA reverse crunches & squats for "Us" and my bikinis as summer is right around the corner!!!}

bonne nuit à tous

Enough blogged....

ciao for now!

love, Love, LOVE

if you can't tell I live by this Bob Marley quote:

I'm outta here...

i think I can, I think I CAN.....

later...

So simple but yet so TRUE

"I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, 'If this isn't nice, I don't know what is.'"                                                                       - K. Vonnegut

Spring is in the Air...

and I have a confession:
some of my friends that have been telling me to just smile more and shut my mouth more were RIGHT...
yes it is even painful to type it but it is true.
{also i think keeping up with my exercises has helped as well...just sayin'}

Sooo
I have been smiling more...even while walking the dog {foreshadowing...}
I have been going out more .... which sometimes SUCKS {and can be a total waste of time
but I still usually learn something each time I do it}

But more importantly,  I have been in general ~ actively trying to be more positive about my thinking...the angles of which I look/observe/decipher something/someone, everything really... i tell myself being positive about little things will help me when I have to take the Huge leap and think positive about something BIG... {i'll keep you posted if it works!}

Danced on Friday with New friends that are always asking me to go out & i almost always punk out but I didn't this time & i had a really fun time...

Then Saturday went out late Saturday afternoon for some wine with an old friend from GRADE school who I have not been hanging out with much so it was nice to catch up with her and share many laughs... then got picked up on by a distinguished gentleman...the 1st older man that has turned my head much less kept my ear... so that was fun & and ego boost {in a very cool & different way than the usual club ego injection ~ as he made it clear I had BOTH of his heads turned on, instead of just the usual one}

then Sunday I finally met my neighborhood crush...
you know I just moved from a house to an apt more like a townhouse as there are only 6 units that are 2 story, 2bdrm, 1 1/2 ba with a little patio in front.   Very sweet and just enough room for cece, chocolate & myself {and my crap}, a down size I was happy to make but now calls for a minimum of 4 dog walks a day/night...
hence I have patrolled my new hood and was delighted to find a VERY handsome {great ass, oh and smile} gentleman that lives on my block...
I have seen him come and go for a few weeks now...my smile getting bigger & bigger each time we see each other ~ we finally met Sunday night.
and it was awesome!
Deep voice to match his dark eyes to match his firm hand shake and smooth as silk laugh...{can you tell I enjoyed our encounter?}... yeah I kinda liked the WHOLE package....

and then Today... yet again our paths crossed and we got the chance to talk as he did his stretches, he had just finished his run when I was walking the dog...
and yes, once again I was VERY pleased with what my peepers were looking at...
 AND what I was hearing, I could listen to his voice all night...
Anyhoo
I am trying to play coy and trotted off with the dog but soooo
hope I get to go dancing/ wine drinking...etc etc SOON!!!!!!!

therefore I leave you with this {an oldie but a goody for me}....
as Maxwell is MORE than fitting for this occasion

now off to do some extra leg lifts & crunches

Ciao!!!

while walking my dog....

I realized...

and JUST for my "Partner in Crime" ~ which may I take the time to point out, that I am truely over the moon happy that we ARE friends for real...that we did make it thru and maybe it did not work out like we thought but I am blessed to have you back in my LIFE in a positive way...

this one is for US

now off to finish the rest of my leg lifts and crunches WITH a smile on my face !!!

Adios for tonight
I must admit I have learned quite a lot from this weekend and it did not cost me all that much....

many thanks world, many thanks!!!
XOXOOXOXO

Will They take mine...?

I'm working on it...

just because...

this too shall pass....

but seriously right now....

just drive on...

Where, did we GO????

okay...

I am trying to fight this...

wish me luck to shake it off


because,
                 I feel it really is....

time to get DOWN...

xxooxoox

Here's to ALL of US having a GOOD friday!!!!

My final OCD thought for tonight...

as I sit here and catch up on my politics of the day,
violate the nachos I just made
& the tasty cocktail i just refreshed...

but tonight this is the message that will be shorn into the sheep I will be counting to get to sleep tonight  ...

ohhhh and

I LOVE my DOG!!!!!

Puss, PUSS!!!!

Vodka, Pineapple Juice & Goldfish...*

Yes sort of a strange combo but hopefully I am coherent enough to explain my thoughts ....

1st the Vodka & Pineapple Juice... clearly the drink I am enjoying but I need to add a touch of grenadine {but I did not think it would fit in the title line ...} very good-- very VERY very good...

Goldfish...
That is what I am wishing I am more like... let me explain..
as a child I always thought gold fish "sucked" - that they were lame... dumb
I always went for those fish that were stream lined, Bright blue with a red spot on them, the good ol' angel fish...
 but usually it was the Rumble Fish~ in my room
because they were always the most amazing colors...
 and they were sorta like the Loner -- James Dean fish..
{of course I am aware that there is a direct link to Rumble Fish the Book, by CS Elliot i think...
but REALLY it was the MOvie, as it was/STILL is amazing...as I always watch it when ever it pops up on IFC ~ Micky Rorke still looked like his hot self (LET ME be Clear~ his 9 1/2 wks Hot Self-- get me?!?!??!)
and the sound track is A- mazing~ Stuart Copeland from the Police... not to mention it is one of the best Black & white films, besides Under the Cherry Moon that was made before the 2000's... and movies like Goodnight. and the Artist, as of late... phew, my Roger Ebert Moment is over}

as usual, I digress....
{it's okay to laugh at me... I do it on a regular basis, as do others...}

anyway Goldfish I am coming to learn are actually pretty damn smart ,
as they seem/are
perfectly content with their situation as it were...

i am feeling more like the princess and the pee... but the Pee in this case is "MEN"

Ugghhghhgghhhh

They are too young, they are too old
They are too short they are -- well I have not met too tall...

They are dumb... they have a mild case of Augsburger's - if you ask me...

they have no dick...
they have one but just are more of one...

I mean can the world just cut me some slack here?!??!??!?!???

look
I got it.. i did the work
and I am not saying there isn't more to be done but the foundation is
There... and in place
and SOLID

I am not crazy, or needy etc
yet the men I seem to be meeting seem to be turned off because - I am NOT that...
messed up, needy...a fixer upper as I would say...
beyond Ironic
... makes me look to the Open skies of - Malibu, to be specific, throwing my hands up & Screaming:
        KHANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

look i get it,
 it will happen "when it's right"....
and
 when I am not looking...

so I sit here...doing my full set of exercises ~to keep my ass where it should be, as I want to be Bikini ready by March and at my age that may take more work than usual ... I would never know as I thought I would be dead by now when I was a whipper snapper....
so I figure, plan for the worst, plus i figure I cannot have too firm of an ass/stomach so...
 the sooner the better, eh?

plus I ALWAYS feel better about me when I do my exercises {and can fit into the jeans I want to wear...}

Life has been like "I" am the Driver in an episode of NY Cab Confessions lately and I am just ready to turn in my Keys...
I've learned enough for now...
at least I think so...

May I PLEASE have an awesome snuggle partner {again}? 

Pretty Please?!??!??!

*Please NOTE: I am drunk and have not proof read/edited this YET so until then, please forgive this post ...
{and possibly afterward but WE do not have to talk about it at that point ...}

SMILES>>>>

I'm back on earth....