though many would argue she has not stopped since the day I was born...
she made me chicken Kiev - my absolute favorite since I was knee high to a grass hopper... my Mom has been making that as my birthday dinner since i was a very little girl...
I made broccoli and hollindaise.. as I am so lucky to have been raised to 2 really great cooks as my dad did the gourmet & my mom had the comfort food cornered... but she learned and she taught - me - WELL
anyhoo
last night i went to her house for her bday dinner for me & MLK as I joked with her
and then She reminded me it was really her favorite dogs birthday Shady-- that she was celebrating and I was lucky enough to have the same bday of... ruff ruff
anyway I sit after doing my exercises.. warming my doggy bag chicken Kiev that is in the oven...i smell it as I blog and sip my pino grigio with Rachel Maddow in the back ground....
may be going to Malibu in a few weeks...should be interesting...i am trying to temper my fears AND hopes...neither is easier to tame than the other...
though i have manged to keep my head on straight... kept my ethos & pathos of late...thought that makes for a lot of lonely nights...
my bed seems so huge ...
i still keep to one side,
not sure who I'm waiting for
but truth be told....
I do wait
i wait for that bend in the mattress... of your lover weight...
coming to you ...
for you...
i miss this
i know this is still a possibility
when it is
right....
i have much to be thankful for and when u get old birthdays are thank YOU days...
especially for someone like me who does not believe in Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Pope ... etc
but also because its me....
and I have "so little" at this "stage" yet I have so much...
1st & foremost...
I did not sell OUT
I was given many chances..... but did NOT ...even when it seemed like the logical thing to do...
I KNOW what love is....
on many levels...
i also KNOW this,
unfortunately --
due to the LOSS of said love
as much as the making it, sustaining it and fostering it
to lose love...
I think
this is what is known as the "fall from grace"
the loss of love
and the realization that you had a hand in it--
the loss...
this i know this pain on a few levels...
I have a new chance at many aspects of life and would be an idiot not to at least TRY... i may be many a thing - not all pretty or aspirational - but an IDIOT- I am NOT!!!!
Happy Birthday to ME for NOT shitting on myself- as I normally would do...and the gut feeling that as I wrap this Birthday Blog up to finish my exercises I may not be where I want to BE but all the work I have done on myself will ensure that I am on the WAY to where I was always meant to be...
Joyeux anniversaire à moi ... et bien en une heure et 20 minutes ...
anyhoo...
Joyeux anniversaire à moi
** Pls note this POST is subject to editing after i have sobered in the morning...
XOOXOOXOO
moi
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