Charlie Rose, Excerise, Pinot Grigio and VCR's...

Stayed home tonight as I went out on Thursday nite, shook my booty {oddly enough - as this is usually something I do more frequently in the privacy of my own home - or I'm at a really good show/concert - as I was thursday nite} as usual I am getting side tracked...

anyway it was fun, went w/ my Good friend Jen whom I have known since I was in grade school - yes I said it grade school.  She is the Best as she has fun where ever she goes and is always game for anything - she drinks, dances, enjoys witty banter and loves good music- can't ask for much more in a gal pal!

We danced, laughed,  drank, had our egos stroked a few times, ran into some friends and then went home giggling in the crisp night air - not HOT air but nice cool air and alone.

It is ironic to me that i {brace yourself as I am possibly about to sound and in print, seem mildly pathetic...} but I so long to be a real partnership again...to share {and for real in some ways} with another human - feel them feeling me and me being able to enjoy feeling them, laying my head on my lovers chest while I fall asleep to the beat of the heart and the rythm of their breathe... {I know it sounds cheesy but it was what I have had & what I wish for again}

With that said, you know you are older/jaded/{cross your fingers} WISER ?!?!? As I went home alone {as usual} yet I quietly take pride in doing so...  Why? as I am the boss of me and I will be the 1st to say so... but I just don't want to waste what little human contact I may have with someone ON someone I really don't Dig/inspired by/feel real passion for ... i feel i have so little time left in the heart dept.

or to put it another way, I know I am ready to take chances, chances I have not been willing to make since i was young, I feel the need to meld/exchange/transform/grow with another in a healthy & positive way ... but I am NOT willing to just give what i know what I know is rare & special, away to just anyone ... i KNOW good things com to those who work hard on them selves and wait...

so I sit here tonight, beading {i make jewelery & sell it to a cool little boutique here in AZ & on etsy}, catching up on a week's worth of Charlie Rose & tonight's Bill Mahr episode, drinking some Pinot, oddly enough still able to complete my excerises, maybe not in perfect form but none the less DONE...

now I will feed the cat, the dog & go to bed with this song playing in my head as i am  clearly wishing/dreaming/hating the desire i have once again for a lover to play with my hair, kiss my forehead and invade my soul once again...