Monday, October 17, 2011

I'm scared...

Did I just type that?... Yes, I think I did but it is true.

Wow almost feels good just typing it ... still too scared to actually say it, but It has been in my head for longer than i would like to admit.

Change = Unknown and Unknown = Scared Me {used = excited me} but these last few years, well there is no easy way to say it, but I have been a Chicken Shit, as my "lovely"  Father would holler!!!

Consequence of being a chicken shit = I have made some UBER shitty decisions, these last few years.  Some decisions, that I deeply regret; felt like i "HAD" to make but NOW i see that My OWN fears are what actually shackled & blinded ME to my faulty logic + skewed perspective = Bad Decisions made by ME.

Bring on the smart Quote to make all of us {me} feel better:

In order for us to liberate the energy of our strength,our weakness must first have a chance to reveal itself *          Paulo Coelho


I am learning {for real} that once we give into your fears and let go of thinking I can Control/Know what will happen ...  It makes things clearer -- NOT easier {oh how I wish} though I guess when I am asked to sacrifice in the coming months, and I KNOW I WILL, it will be clearer to me why I have done what I have... for once in a very long time, it will be something i did for me

* the Irony of who/where I got this quote is more than I can express but proves to me that all is possible {for all of us}

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